Attack Plan

Ok. Here is the attack plan. The illustrations are below. Keep in mind though, that this came in a flash of inspiration, so it's a rough draft.


Note: In the illustrations, steps 3 and 4 should be swapped(4 should be step 3, 3 should be 4. Since I got this in a flash of inspiration, I wrote those wrong)


Step 1: Build and Deploy ships and planes.
As Antarctica is an island nation, we must use ships and planes. This will be a mostly hostile surprise attack, so we won't need many people. We just go in and take. We will need supplies to build the ships and planes. With my brain, I have secured these supplies and the ships and planes will be done in roughly a week. They will be deployed shortly there-after.



Step 2: Attack
Ok, as you can see below, we must take out the governmental buildings. As this is Antarctica, this is pretty easy. We then land and go on to the next step.




Step 3: Declare Davetopia as a sovereign nation.
Flag designs will be decided by a contest. The best design will win. The winner will get the satisfaction of knowing his design will be on Davetopia's flag.




Step 4: Melt the Ice(David Massie this is where you come in)
I love cold, but not that cold. I mean, so cold it doesn't snow. I mean, we need some way to melt that ice. Then we can have snow. Yay! So David, I need you to get me the materials I need to build this mirror or laser(whichever is easier). I also need to know the most efficient point to focus the light on. I also need you to convince your colleges that I am the rightful government of Antarctica. This is a big job. I'm counting on you. You have the title of Vice Tyrant.






Click the picture to enlarge in a new window.


P.S. I have gotten no emails to the email address I posted. davethegreat@bellsouth.net I wonder if it's broken.

Delays

Sorry, It's taken longer than expected to get a pardon from Canada and draw up my battle plans. I will have them soon.

Stay With Me
--Dave

I'm Sorry, But Here's My Excuse

Just D rightly accused me of posting too few posts on here. However I do have an excuse.

You see, in my last post, I said that a decisive move against Canada would be taken on the 12th of January. Well, it was. I can't say where I am exactly, but let me just say that the enemies holding cell is not very comfy. THEY HAVE DIAL-UP FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!!

However, I have agreed to be released under the condition that I don't' try to attack again, so I should be out of here in a few days. I will try to post everyday, or at least every other day from now on. I am sorry loyal fans.

Now I have to go plan my attack on Antarctica, so please excuse me while I draw out my battle plans. Tomorrow I'll scan them in and show them to all of ya'll. I know you can't wait.

Stay Sharp Antarciticanese, I'm coming for YOU!
--Dave

I'm Back

Hello,
I've been really sick and then I was very busy, and then I was even more busy, so I apologize for the absence.

Christmas was nice, so was New Years, I won't tell you much about them.

I have been assigned to a top secret mission by a top secret organization that we shall just say has to do with my previous post on Canada. I hope that this will not interfere with my postings.

Anyone in Canada should expect a brief power outage around midnight, January 12th. This will include your cable and DSL lines, although I'm not sure you have such things up there. See you soon(can't say why though). I'll update you on my progress as soon as I can.

P.S. I have put up the links section to my fans blogs/sites. If you would like me to put your link there, comment and tell me.

-Dave

Sicker Than A Dead Dog In An Arizona Blizzard

I've had the flu recently, sorry for the long silence. Apparently, the flu doesn't distinguish between people. It should.

ugh
-Dave

There's Only ONE of Me

Sorry, people, I won't be able to attend all the Christmas Parties I have been invited too(currently 318 and counting). I am actually not attending any Christmas Parties. I am having a quiet Christmas at home.

However, if you would like to send me an e-card or a nice Christmas letter, you can send me one at my email address provided davethegreat@bellsouth.net I shall try to respond to all of you, but I might not get a chance.

Merry Christmas
-Dave

BTW: I am going to create links to my fans blogs. If you would like a link to yours set up, then post a comment and let me know.

Why Do You Read This Blog

I am conducting a survey. Do you read this blog.

A. For my greatness.
B. To soak up my greatness.
C. Because you feel so inferior for me.
D. If you have another reason, state it.

I am looking forward to your responses.

Dave

Canada(Or Should I Say The Only Thing Keeping Us From Having A Whole Continent To Ourselves)

I was looking at a map today, and I was appalled to discover that Canada is not actually the 51st(as well as largest) state in the United States. :-O

In order to conform this, I first went to my massive brain for more information, but was unable to resolve my problem. Therefore, I went to the mystic oracle that is called Google, where I was even more outraged to find that it is the only thing keeping the US from having a whole continent to itself(except for Mexico, but that's in Central America, not North American).

Now, what's up with these people trying to keep the US out of Canada? I mean, not only are they keeping us from North America, but they're also keeping the better half of Niagara Falls for themselves.

Here I will list the things that I have found offensive about Canada.

1. First up, what's up with the stupid flag? I mean, a leaf????? Wow, lets be original guys, come up with the one thing that is in every country in the world, and stick it to some cloth. (I have a theory that their flag was created when the flag creating committee left a white sheet outside in fall.)

2. Canadian Bacon? HAM GUYS!!!

3. British Columbia Can't decide whether they're still under British Control, or if they're in South America.


Anyways, I now officially declare Canada for the United States of America. I'm sure all of you Canadians are cheering with joy.

I'm Coming For You Brethren
-Dave

1/2P.S. http://www.lost.eu/e6e3

P.S. The views in this post are not endorsed by any governing body of the United States Of America. They are solely the result of my great brain.

P.P.S. If you would like to donate money to the cause, IM me at once(my IM is in my profile). Together we can take back North America!(We need a cool moving logo and sound byte to any designers who are out there.)

P.P.P.S. I apologize to any Canadians who remain loyal to the socialist regime in Canada.

P.P.P.P.S Don't stop reading my greatness just cause you're from Canada.

Ancestors Vs. Descendents; Jelly Vs. Cream, and Other Stuff

I have recently gotten two comments I would like to respond to.

One is from Just D
This is a comment on one of my earlier posts: My Humble Beginnings
He says:
"Not to be picky here, but unless you were DaVinci's grandfather (which would cause an extreme paradigm, at which point most of us lesser being's heads would explode), he should have signed it to his greatest descendant, not ancestor.

Or something like that."

The other is from The CEO
This is a comment on the immediately previous post.
The CEO Says:
"While I tend to believe you on jelly filled, I have doubts about creme filled and honey dipped. When can I expect your work to cover these donuts?"




I will answer The CEO first.

---

*Ahem* While it may be hard for you to follow, the previous post can be used to prove the existence of anything by the substitution property of completely complex things.

I'll demonstrate.

For the three simple explanations, just substitute the item of your choice for "Jelly Donut". Now, as long as the statements hold true for that item, it is proved that it exist. For example, with brief proof 1:

Proof 1: I said it so you'd better believe it.

"It" Stands for "Jelly Donuts Exist". Substitute "Cream Filled Donuts Exist" and you have a proof(if I've said that, which I say here). You can do this for brief proofs 2 and 3 as well. Just substitute your item for "Jelly Filled Donuts", and as long as the statements hold, the substituted items exist.

For the longer proof, you would have to have a nose hair covered in the substance to deduce the existence of an item. There is another way, which is to basically denying the existence of everything and then denying the denial of everything, therefore, all things must exist.

---

Now To Answer Just D

---

Alright, you say that the painting should be signed to "My greatest descendant Dave, not ancestor, unless there was a lot of time travel involved. First let me reassure you that I am NOT, I repeat NOT, going to make up some stupid thing about how I traveled back in time and blah, blah, blah. This isn't Star Trek(although I HAVE figured out the answer to breaking the speed of light).

My first thought was, "Well, everyone makes mistakes, I mean, just cause it's Da vinci doesn't mean he didn't get brain blips sometimes."

Then I got to thinking and I figured there should be some other explanation. Well, I have exhaustively researched the problem, and I think I have found the answer.

If you recall Da Vinci was Italian. Now, if you look at the painting below it's in English(you might see where I'm going). If he was Italian, why did he write the below in English. Well, obviously he knew that I would be English(though I have mastered 50 other languages besides English, including Klingon and Romulan, I have not yet taken it upon myself to learn Italian). Da Vinci foresaw this, and wrote the text in English for my ease(he was a nice guy). Well, you know how it's said English is the hardest language to learn. Plus, who knows what the English was like then, what with thee and thou and all the 'eths they puteth on the end of everything) He made a small mistake. You can't exactly sue him(especially since he's dead).

---

I hope that you are pleased with my responses. I now need to go and finish my 1,000,000,000,000 page paper on the effects of a butterfly flapping its wings.

With Utter Disregard
-Dave

"From Nose Hair to The Existence of Jelly Filled Donuts"

"From Nose Hair to The Existence of Jelly Filled Donuts"
An exhaustively easy explanation of how, from an atom from one of my nose hairs, we can conclude the existence of jelly donuts."

NOTE: The explanation below is incomplete. After I started writing, I realized that to properly prove the existence of Jelly Filled Donuts from examining an atom from a human hair would take approximately 5x10^25 pages.

Therefore I have included a EXTREMELY brief summery below(in strikeout characters and small print at the bottom of this post for your convenience). This explanation will seem boggled, twisted and just plain stupid to most people because not all the proof is there. It looks amazing if you have all the proof, but as mentioned above, that takes up a lot of space(I currently have a 700 GB hard-drive devoted entirely to this proof, but it's not quite complete, and I haven't found a site that will host a 700 GB file yet so you'll have to wait).

To replace the below proof with one that will make more sense to ordinary people, I offer the following proofs.

Proof 1: I said it so you'd better believe it.

Proof 2: Google Jelly Filled Donuts, you'll find that they do in fact exist.

Proof 3: Look at the below picture. It'd be pretty hard to come up with that if JFD's didn't exist.
(JFD's stand for Jelly Filled Donuts. In my experience, three letter acronyms are much cooler to say than three words. Some examples are: WMD(Weapons Of Mass Destruction), BSD(Berkeley Software Distribution), DMV(Department of Motor Vehicles), DIG(Dave Is Great), and so on and so forth.)




And if all this isn't enough proof, I'm eating one as I write this, so I know they do exist.

Share and Enjoy,
-Dave


(Below is the very incomplete proof. See above for why this is so incomplete.)






Givens: I have an atom from a strand of hair from my nose.
Goal: To deduce the existence of jelly filled donuts from the givens(see above).
Given the atom, we can study it and see the following. First, using equations that are so big they would use up too much space to write, we find that the atom belongs to a species named homo-sapient. Now, these homo-sapient have two legs and walk(more long equations, just don't ask), and that the taste of sugary substances attracts them. Given this, by utilising the "I think therefore I am.(See Previous Post for an explanation of how we can prove this), we can deduce the fact "We think of sugary stuff, therefore it is.", and from this on to "My nose-hair is covered with raspberry jelly and donut, therefore it is." where it is a variable which represents the physical laws of the know universe(deduced from the atom of the nose-hair). Now, using matrix math, and multiplying the inverse of a 3x3 matrix onto a 4x4 rotational matrix, we can deduce the following.

Humans like jelly donuts.
The nose hair atom we are studying comes from a human.
The nose hair is covered in jelly and donut crumbs.

Using these and the transitive property of logic, we can see that Jelly Filled Donuts do in fact exist.

Don't Use My Greatness, Besides You're all Wrong Anyway

I would appreciate it if the world didn't use my great blog space to advertise for their mediocre websites. I have had to delete the comment in question, so you can't see it anymore, but it disappoints me to see people taking advantage of my greatness.

Now, while I was swimming this afternoon, I discovered that the mass of the earth could be determined from the size of the waves that expand from a drop of water. I did some quick mental calculations, and discovered that the mass of the earth is not in fact 5.9742×10^24 Kilograms. In fact, it's a lot more on the scale of 5.9741*10^24 Kilograms. While some may argue that the .0001 change doesn't matter, just take into account that the whole of technology is operating on the flawed assumption that the earth has .0001*10^24 more mass than it does. Just think! This throws the whole world off kilter. If we used the correct mass of the earth in science today, my great brain has calculated that we would save something on the order of a rather large amount of electricity. This would result in the rapid reduction of pollution, as well as making the earth just a whole lot nicer.

So maybe next time they determine a so called "fact", they should ask me.

Next post I'll go over the repercussions of this huge discovery on astronomy, and if I have time, I will extrapolate the existence of the rest of the universe from an atom from a strand of my hair(from my nose to be exact).

Stay beautiful,
Dave

I Am Not In Denial

I deny the following:

1. That I was ever summoned to court.
2. That I was ever arrested.
3. That I ever went to jail(this sort of goes with the last one).
4. That I have ever read Harry Potter books.
5. That I have ever plucked my nose hair(what are cordless nose hair trimmers for).

I also utterly deny that I posted the previous two posts. In fact I deny that they are even there. In fact I deny that I ever denied them. I also deny the denial of my denial. I deny that too.

The denied posts must have been written by a hater of me. I won though, so ha!(I deny I just typed that).

If we follow this logical string of denials back up the line, we will arrive finally at the denial of everything. From there we go to "I do not think, therefore, I do not exist."

Using multi-variable differential calculus, we can express this statement with the following equation.

Θ(fε(t))dµ(t)=−πf4ε(t)dµ(t)+(bπ+a)Gfε(t)dµ(π)+θafε(t)*dµ(Σ)

From this, we can surmise: I think, therefore, I am.(We can also surmise E=MC^2, but we won't go into that.)

Please Comment

Comment if you see this, I need to now I still have fans out there that read this. I don't care if you've never even read my blog, just read it(or not) and then comment please!

I'm losing faith.
-Dave

Forgive and Forget, Right?

Please forgive me for my long absence...I have moved twice in the last couple of months. My first new location was a gated community with most excellent security service. My address was Cell-block 341A, Coosa County Jail. My second move(my current location) was to a big building named "Coosa Rehabilitation Center".

It all started when two people dressed in dark blue uniforms with star shaped badges showed up on my doorstep uninvited. I attempted to drive them away with my hoard of attack mice I have training in my basement for several years. Unfortunately, it appeared my training was for nought, as all the mice did was run and hide.

The next thing that happened puzzles me to this day. The bluesy dressed people started saying things like..."Under arrest", Something about my "'rights'? hand.", "Remain silent", and such...

An awkward silence ensued.

After a minute, I broke the silence by excusing my-self to go get something to eat. Rudely, the bluesy dressed people came inside uninvited and watched my actions suspiciously. All this staring was making me rather uncomfortable, so I decided to take a brisk walk to calm my nerves. When the people started following me, I decided to make it a very quick run away from wherever they were.

Unfortunately, my yard was enclosed by a fence, and I didn't have time to open the gate, so I decided to jump it. However, because of forces out of my control, I didn't quite make it. I woke up in the back of a white car.

At the station I was given a telephone, and told I could make one call. I was still rather hungry, so I decided to call the Pizza Guy. I ordered a large pizza with the works, but then they hung up on me after I told them where I was calling from. The bluesy men showed up again and took my to my apartment, which turned out to be small and made entirely of metal.

Strangely enough, none of my countless fans or friends came to bail me out. I assumed that they are all hibernating for the summer.

I won't give too many details about my appearance in court. I will tell you, however, that it was immediately after I got up and made a long speech that I was told I was moving again, this time to the "Coosa Rehabilitation Center".

I promised my counselor that I would delete this blog, but am secretly keeping it up.

Till later...

Yours Truly,
Dave the Great

What, Me Worry?

Apparently, my last post caused no small amount of concern among my fans. It seems that they think that I am getting sued for some reason. Well, let me assure them, that their fears have no foundation whatsoever. I'm just way too great to sue. In a comment, a fan of mine interpreted the writing like this.

"Dear Mr. Thompson,
By not responding to any of our previous (illegible), to remove the (illegible) content from (illegible) (illegible), you have forced us to take (illegible) action against (illegible)."

Well, I have figured out the illegible portions, and it goes like this

"Dear Mr. Thompson,
By not responding to any of our previous pleadings, to remove the great content from your blog, you have forced us to take great action against all other blogs."

Apparently, my blog is too great, so they are taking everyone elses offline. I'm sure the change will come about in the next few days. I'm sure you all will understand.

Anyway, no worries about lawsuits.

P.S. Comments such as

"Hey, dve!

The can su U, U'r 2 cool t ge sud! Jus give mE d word, dve, and il go n kill jams dogder or wtever an he ovisly dont kno dat u r dve! i m sooo md nou!

-dvs fn woo s anry"

are more insulting than they are anything else. I mean, if you're going to leave a comment on the greatest(and soon to be only) blog on the Internet, then at least have the decency to spell things right!