Saturday, June 27, 2009

Brallamese: Do They Exist?

Despite Deb's incapacity to give me a context for Brallama, I will tell you peons what Brallama means. As it has multiple definitions, I will give you the most well known.

Bra-llam-a \brə-'lä-mä\ n 1 : A mid-ranking priest in the Zoroastrian religion.

The reason you did not find this on Google is because Brallama is the sacred spelling of the word only known to very few. Not sure how you found it.

I will end this post with a little competition: The first person to find the common spelling of Brallama will get the knowledge that you are not quite as smart as me. That special person will also received a digitally autographed photo of me.

BTW: The language you called "gibberish" is my second language, D.A.V.E.idian. So I take offense to that statement.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Word Verification: Brallama

Dear Deb,
You say in your post dated June 22nd 8:04 PM:

Word verification: brallama

I know that has to mean something.

Although I already know the meanings of this word, it would be nice if you could give me a context in which it would be used. I would not like to give you the wrong definition, as this word has multiple definitions. Sort of like how "fluke" can mean either:
1) A stroke of luck.
2) A fish or flatworm.
3) The fins on a whale's tail.
4) The end parts of an anchor.
5) The part of an envelope you bend over and seal.

Thank you for your cooperation.

In other news, I found my leiopelmatidae. He was hiding on my map of the world just over New Zealand.


Monday, June 22, 2009

In Which I Catch a Myxinoidea, Lose a Leiopelmatidae, and Learn Pahsto

I caught a Myxinoidea today. It was swimming around in my sink.

My pet leiopelmatidae hopped away though. I called him with my special leiopelmatidae call but he didn't answer.

In other news, my study of Pashto is coming along well.

دخداى په امان


Friday, June 19, 2009

My New Name...And a Recipe for Brownies

After reading over this blog and finding that I am a genius in all matters, I have decided (as aforementioned) that I need a better name than "Dave". Here are some of the possibilities I have come up with.

Darwin was of course, the man that came up with the theory of evolution. The theory of evolution is of course, stated simply, that every individual person has at least one cousin who is an actual monkey. This was a very controversial finding, as many people did not want to admit that their cousin, whom they always suspected of being less bright than most, was an actual primate and not merely an extremely ugly person who spent most of his time grooming for fleas. However, the theory of evolution was conclusively proven by certain people and further validated by myself.

As you can see from this picture, Darwin himself is suspected of being one of the primate cousins, most likely distantly related to Charlton Heston(Darwin is the one on the left).

Aristotle was a jolly green giant back in the Grecian era who was best known for his series of boyhood adventure novels centered around his best friend, a dog named Plato. Books in this series include the critically acclaimed History of Animals, Parts of Animals, Movement of Animals, Progression of Animals, and the stunning climax, Generation of Animals. Also well known for his legendary romance novel Problems, which inspired such great writers as Jane Austin and Amanda McKittrick Ros.

However, for all his genius, he had a remarkably hard time spelling his own name, as evidenced by the above photo. Ἀριστοτέλης Aristotle.

See my earlier post My Humble Beginnings

Da Vinci was a mutant whose deformations (shown above) left him emotionally scarred as an adult. Because of this, he was an introvert who spent most of his time painting and writing. These activities brought some closure in his later years, seeing as his extra arms allowed him to sketch amazingly fast. This allowed him to complete extremely detailed drawings of helicopters and various other flying machines as they flew by.

Euler was a famous mathemetician who came up with the famous "Euler's Equation".

eix= cos x + isinx

This equation, proven true both by someone else and me, shows that if you take Euler(shown by e), and stick a funny hat on him(shown in the equation by the ix), then cost for a service x(denoted by cos x) will be increased by the order of isinx, which is an imaginary number whose value was lost sometime in the Dark Ages. Darn barbarians.

The only reason this equation has survived until today is because it was mistaken by the barbarians in question for a delicious recipe for low-fat double chocolate chunk brownies.

Modern scientists are currently working to equate the value of isinx by close examination of the above photo of Euler wearing the funny hat in question. Progress so far is slow due to the scientists being distracted both by his odd expression and his horrendous fashion sense.

The final vote on my new name was a tough but unanimous one. After careful consideration I have realized that the greatness and uniqueness of each of these individuals, added up, is more than any one of them combined. Therefore, to most fully describe my OWN greatness, I have decided that my new name will be:

Darwin Aristotle Vinci Euler

For all of you peons out there who cannot remember the whole thing, or for those who don't want to say the name for fear of mispronunciation, you may call me D.A.V.E. for short. Note however that D.A.V.E. is pronounced Davé as in the word that rhymes with bah-way.

Now I'm going to go try that new recipe for low-fat double chocolate chunk brownies I found.

-Darwin Aristotle Vinci Euler (D.A.V.E.)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

This Title Has Been Changed

Big spider give me lots of good foooood. But not very interessetering converser. So I crush hime with big boot. Ewwy. Boiled spider pretty tastety.

Bigd mouseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!.....................................................................................

Hello? I found this computer inside what I assume to be my house(I say this with utmost confidence seeing as I knew where the spare key was hidden). This post was just sitting here, so I decided to better it with my greatness. The last draft was autosaved July 14th, 2007 at 23:42 hours. The stupid "" had booted me out claiming something about my "session being timed out", so I logged back in(I'm also assuming this is my blog as I knew the password).

I can't quite remember who I am. However, reading back over this blog, I DO know that I MUST be Dave as I am the only person I know who could be this great. This blog is pure brilliance! Except for that last post. Someone else must have done that one. I mean...the deduction about those jelly donuts...pure genius. Except for my name. I hate the name Dave. I'm working on what my new name will be. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Also, I know that when I woke up this morning, pre-dawn, I was lying naked in the fetal position on my lawn(or what I assume to be my lawn, given the evidence[look at that genius!]) with a bright light hovering a few hundred feet above the ground. My first thought was, "Hello, I am great!". My second was, "You are nothing more than a hovering ball of light, I will not trouble myself with speaking to you." My third thought was, "Who am I?", and the fourth, "Who cares? As long as I'm me."

I preceded to prove the Hodge conjecture, while the ball of light twisted itself into space-time. Good riddance. I lay there for a few hours, just to get acquainted with the world again, then got up and let myself into my(assumed) house.

On the way in, I passed a small mirror on the wall. My attention was stolen for another few hours contemplating my stark stunning handsomeness. After apprehending the thief and returning my attention to the rightful owner(myself), I noticed a large pile of mail on my, mainly consisting of subpoenas from the local police department. But being great and, at the moment, unsure if this was even my house, I used to fuel the fire to make some tea, adding just a little to my grotesque carbon footprint.

I eventually decided to get dressed, in order to grace the world with my sense of fashion, and that was about the time I noticed the computer. It was sitting in the closet, of all places. As aforementioned I decided to improve this posting with my greatness. Mission accomplished. I'll read over the rest of this blog and let you know when I know more about who I am and what my new name will be.