Big spider give me lots of good foooood. But not very interessetering converser. So I crush hime with big boot. Ewwy. Boiled spider pretty tastety.
Hello? I found this computer inside what I assume to be my house(I say this with utmost confidence seeing as I knew where the spare key was hidden). This post was just sitting here, so I decided to better it with my greatness. The last draft was autosaved July 14th, 2007 at 23:42 hours. The stupid "blogger.com" had booted me out claiming something about my "session being timed out", so I logged back in(I'm also assuming this is my blog as I knew the password).
I can't quite remember who I am. However, reading back over this blog, I DO know that I MUST be Dave as I am the only person I know who could be this great. This blog is pure brilliance! Except for that last post. Someone else must have done that one. I mean...the deduction about those jelly donuts...pure genius. Except for my name. I hate the name Dave. I'm working on what my new name will be. I'll let you know when I figure it out.
Also, I know that when I woke up this morning, pre-dawn, I was lying naked in the fetal position on my lawn(or what I assume to be my lawn, given the evidence[look at that genius!]) with a bright light hovering a few hundred feet above the ground. My first thought was, "Hello, I am great!". My second was, "You are nothing more than a hovering ball of light, I will not trouble myself with speaking to you." My third thought was, "Who am I?", and the fourth, "Who cares? As long as I'm me."
I preceded to prove the Hodge conjecture, while the ball of light twisted itself into space-time. Good riddance. I lay there for a few hours, just to get acquainted with the world again, then got up and let myself into my(assumed) house.
On the way in, I passed a small mirror on the wall. My attention was stolen for another few hours contemplating my stark stunning handsomeness. After apprehending the thief and returning my attention to the rightful owner(myself), I noticed a large pile of mail on my, mainly consisting of subpoenas from the local police department. But being great and, at the moment, unsure if this was even my house, I used to fuel the fire to make some tea, adding just a little to my grotesque carbon footprint.
I eventually decided to get dressed, in order to grace the world with my sense of fashion, and that was about the time I noticed the computer. It was sitting in the closet, of all places. As aforementioned I decided to improve this posting with my greatness. Mission accomplished. I'll read over the rest of this blog and let you know when I know more about who I am and what my new name will be.