Monday, June 26, 2006

What, Me Worry?

Apparently, my last post caused no small amount of concern among my fans. It seems that they think that I am getting sued for some reason. Well, let me assure them, that their fears have no foundation whatsoever. I'm just way too great to sue. In a comment, a fan of mine interpreted the writing like this.

"Dear Mr. Thompson,
By not responding to any of our previous (illegible), to remove the (illegible) content from (illegible) (illegible), you have forced us to take (illegible) action against (illegible)."

Well, I have figured out the illegible portions, and it goes like this

"Dear Mr. Thompson,
By not responding to any of our previous pleadings, to remove the great content from your blog, you have forced us to take great action against all other blogs."

Apparently, my blog is too great, so they are taking everyone elses offline. I'm sure the change will come about in the next few days. I'm sure you all will understand.

Anyway, no worries about lawsuits.

P.S. Comments such as

"Hey, dve!

The can su U, U'r 2 cool t ge sud! Jus give mE d word, dve, and il go n kill jams dogder or wtever an he ovisly dont kno dat u r dve! i m sooo md nou!

-dvs fn woo s anry"

are more insulting than they are anything else. I mean, if you're going to leave a comment on the greatest(and soon to be only) blog on the Internet, then at least have the decency to spell things right!


dves fn who s not dvs fn anemre cus dv inslutd me! said...

hw dare u inslt me i ws ur bigst fan n u shoudn mke fn f me bcs i cnt tpe s wel as u! nt everne s as grt as u 'n u shdnt inslut ur fns lke me whoo jst wnt to help! I m sooooooo mad nw cus u trnd ot to b a idoit nt lke d dve who u prtend 2 be woo s grt and doestnt isult hs fans lke u!

dves fn who s not dvs fn anemre cus dv inslutd me!

Ps: i cn too spll!

Dave said...

Oh, well ECXUSE ME! "i cn too spll!!"?? You might try spelling that right!? Ok, fine, I'll take pity on you. Here are some starters.

1. Every word must have at least one vowel in it.(the vowels are A,E,I,O,U)

2. Every sentence must start with a capital letter and end with punctuation.(punctuation is either a .[period],?[question mark], or ![exclamation mark]

Try using those rules. If you get those, I'll give you some more. But please, don't ever again leave a comment that looks like your last one does.

dves wrst enemie who hts hm said...

hw dre u mke fun of me! i decitate mysf t ur dstruction from nw on n ill nver rst ntil i xpse u fr wat u re a idit whoo mkes fun of hs fns n inslts thm!

if u hte dve too thne just go to ths webste i st up nd we wil plt ways of mking dve pay fr inslultig me!

oh, nd i dont cre abot ur stupd rules, ither so tke that u ltle brnless fn-insluting idit!


dves wrst enemie who hts hm

Dave said...

Oh, I see, so now we're dreaming up imaginary hate websites. Boy you're really looking for an IP ban from my blog. Watch it buddy!

dves wrst enemie who hts hm said...

oh, wtevr, dave so i dont hve the webste up yet but im workig on t. Dont worry, thoug, il stil get revege!

oh, nd u wudnt hve the nerve to ban me.


dves wrst enemie who hts hm

dves wrst enemie who hts hm said...

oh n dve u shoudnt talk cuz u spel thngs wrng to nd hre r some thigs tht u spll nd grammertize wrng n i stll hat u bcse ur an idoit!

"stead fast in he of almost certain defeat now you may think its another one of my amazing traits... "
"will popwer"
"it is neither of these traits i poses"
"I am write"
"there ridiculous remarks"

so thre, dve!

-dves wrst enemie who hts hm

daves second biggest said...

well obviously dves wrst enemie who hts hm is lying because dave is great. how could anyone so great mispell such words as those? maybe you need to go to the eye doctor to get your eyes fixed.

daves greatest fan said...

Greetings, Dave.....

Recently, I have been following with interest the ramblings of one "dves wrst enemie who hts hm" (I list his most recent title; he has sported quite a few over the years), as well as your own eloquen rebuttals, and, since you do not appear to be inclined to answer his most recent comment, I have taken it upon myself to not only offer my unconditional support to you, but to also publish an extensive rebuttal of your "wrst enemie" :)
I will publish it here shortly (the current comment is already approaching "far too long" mode)

-Dave's Greatest Fan

daves greatest fan said...

Rebuttal of "dves wrst enemie who hts hm"

By Dave's Greatest Fan
Before I begin the rebuttal "main section" I will attempt to give a short history of "dves wrst enemie who hts him" (hereafter referred to as "the aforementioned party");

He began quite innocently, with a reasonable (though atrociously spelled) comment expressing his righteous idignation at the 'publishers' who rejected Dave Thompson (the greatest person in the world, for those who don't know; just read his blog, you'll see). I saw the post and thought nothing of it, merely noting in my mind all the new fans Dave was gaining.
The next time the aforementioned party (or "dves wrst enemie who hts hm, as he now calls himself) appeared, it was with yet another outburst of righteous rage, this time over the rumor going around at that time in the Dave Online Fan Community that Dave was being sued (now rebutted, see Dave's latest post: "What, Me Worry?"). His post was similar to the thousands of other similar outcries filling the web, though there was the rather violent claim by the aforementioned part offering to "deal with" (this is heavily spell-corrected) James Dogooder. But the trouble really started when Dave, in his rebuttal post to the "sueing rumor", made an offhand reference to the aforementioned party, stating that:
"Comments such as [the aforementioned party's comment on the sueing rumor] are more insulting than they are anything else. I mean, if you're going to leave a comment on the greatest(and soon to be only) blog on the Internet, then at least have the decency to spell things right!"
The aforementioned party quickly replied with an over-emotional, horribly spelled "comment", which showed in no uncertain terms that the aforementioned party had absolutely no ability to accept direction from higher authorities. Thus began his dirty and highly publicized battle with the mighty Dave.

daves greatest fan said...

I will here respond to each of the aforementioned party's comments and give my responses to his horrible rhetoric;

There is not much to be said about his first post, only showing the idiotic personage behind the horrible spelling. The next comment however, states that he dedicates himself to Dave's destruction, as well as posting a link to a wholly imaginary site. However, this post has been very thoroughly debunked by Dave himself (a.k.a. The Greatest Person in the World), and the main reason I wished to post this is to respond to his latest post, which describes various spelling errors on Dave's part. Many fans have attempted to explain away these, such as "dave's second biggest", who claims that the aforementioned party's eyes must be malfunctioning. However, (though I would not put it past the aforementioned party to stage such a fraud)there is no doubt that the spelling errors exist, as well as a much simpler explanation; many blogs, especially those done by famous(in other words, great) and/or rich people, are edited before posting; obviously dave easily qualifies as great and famous, so the errors can now be easily put down to a incompetent editing staff.

I trust that this (the history plus the rebuttal) will go a long way toward eliminating the aforementioned party's hold over many of the more ignorant members of the fan community; if not, I will attempt to persuade Dave himself to write a rebuttal to the aforementioned party's latest post, as I'm sure he can do a much better job than I can.

-Dave's Greatest Fan