What Happened Today?

I woke up, admiring my self in the mirror I have hanging over my bed. After a while, I decided it was time for some food to feed my brain.

Around noon, the mail-truck drove by, leaving, as it is in the habit of doing, some papers in my large box on a stick by the street. Among these papers was a particularly large yellow thing holding more papers. Curiosity overcame me, and I opened it to reveal a nice letter addressed to me, written in cursive. I have long since decided, that cursive is a stupid and often quite illegible form of writing(I have created many forms of writing to replace cursive, but they, as of yet, have not become known to the public), and therefore, forgot how to read it. Because of this, I had to guess at what the letter said.

I'm assuming it said something like this:
"Dear Great Dave,
I have always been your fan. I love you! You are so great.
-Your Subordinate Fan"

I am unsure as to whether this translation is correct, for the simple reason that the letter itself was a full 10 pages long. It could, of course, have been the same words repeated over and over again.

I could however, read the return address. It was: "The Law Offices of James Dogooder"
It must be that the legal system is in as much awe of me as ordinary peons.

-Dave