Like Sheep To the Slaughter

Today, while looking in the mirror and admiring myself, I realized that everyone else in the world matters not.

American Idol, American Shmidol

You know, I think American Idol is pretty dumb. I mean, it's bad enough to worship stupid little idols of gods without practically drooling over some people who God gave a nice voice. And those judges, I mean, puuh-lease, do you really think they have any freedom over what they say; NO!! It's all scripted out. Randy is the nice dude who tells it like it is, the girl(can't remember her name) is the nice one who never wants to hurt anyone, and Simon is the mean man. I mean, he would say the Beatles lacked oomph and were just plain horrible if they got up in front of him. And then the narrator dude, I hate the way they try to draw out the suspense when they're kicking someone out. (They need half an hour of show to air, so that's the way they fill it.)

The narrator dude with the nice little goatee* says: "And you are.......not.......going home, you are safe!!!"

Ooh you had me there.

He should say: "And you are not surely ever not not going home."

And then make them figure it out. And if they get it wrong, they have to go home.


Besides, should I ever go on there, I think we all know who would win. Simon would loose his job cause he would have to complement me evertime I sang, and that's not what's in his contract.


*He has to trim his facial hair that way, it's in his contract.

What Are You Talking About

Hi,
So some have accused me of not posting as often as need be, and I profusely deny that. I am Dave, need I say any more??

But I mean, is it really necessary to pour out myself into this scrap of 0's and 1's. Eventually, Google will be sued and lose, Blogger.com will be sold, and then who knows if they won't erase all blog entries of everyone who won't pay them some money.

After all, eventually, the world will end, and the earth will boil away into a deep nothing. What then?

Just a thought.

Dave the Great

I Single Handedly Saved Halo III

So, today, while working on Halo III, I noticed that there was a glitch in the game, well, I told Joe to fix it. He said he couldn't cause it wasn't a glitch. I told him it was. He told me he would fix it. I later found the same glitch and told him to fix it again. He said no. I threatened him with a dock in pay. He told me I don't have that kind of authority. I told him I was Dave. It didn't seem to impress him.

I thought about it today, and I realized that I'm going to have to start a public relations thingy with the public. Apparently a lot of you see me as a megalomaniac. Anyone care to be my public relations advisor?
-Dave The Great

BTW: I found Joe's blog(http://joetheidiot.blogspot.com). Apparently he doesn't like me. That will be remedied shortly.

I Got A Job

I enlisted in the air-force today, but I sort of beat up my commanding officer with my aforementioned strong hand muscles and for some reason they didn't like that. I got fired.

I decided I wanted to work for Microsoft. I decided that head CEO would be the best job for me and my brain, but then figured out it was already taken. I decided I didn't care, but unfortunately, the security guards did.

I decided I wanted to be the chief project manager for Halo 3 so I went up to the front desk and asked. They told me I couldn't. I got mad. However, the following day, the "former" chief manager mysteriously showed up bound and gagged in the back of my closet, so I decided to impersonate him as a personal favor until he got better.

Today was my first day on the job. I wrote a line of code that wouldn't compile and yelled at a lot of people. I couldn't quite figure out why the code didn't work.
I tried a few variations among them was.

"1010101100101010101010101010101010"

---

"Make an explosion."

---

"Make an explosion, please."

---

"Marry had a little lamb."

Oh well.

I have some stupid guy named Joe on my team. He's a lowly programmer and model artist. He was really depressed, so I yelled at him for a while to cheer him up.

-Dave The New Head Chief Of Halo III

"Levi Who??" And "Inferior Beings"

You may have noticed that the last post was signed by a certain Levi. Who is this?? I'm not sure. Apparently he hacked into my account. A certain person said that the great Dave would not let his account be hacked into. Well, if you noticed, this is not my blog service, it's Google's. Their fault.

I'm sorry for the confusion.

And one other thing. Where is Huntsville????????



Also, I was looking back over my posts, and I realized that I have become way to tolerant with you people. I believe my first post pretty much said it all, so I'm going to repost it.


Hello Inferior Beings, this is Dave Thompson, a.k.a Dave the Superior. This is the place for me to vent my feelings of rage at the rest of the insignificant population of this world.

Just yesterday, I was sitting around feeling better than everyone else, and my "friends"(so they call themselves) were wishing they were more like me, when I looked in the mirror and realized why I was so great. I'm going to put a picture up here to show you, but I'll have to blur it up so you won't go blind from the dazzling beauty.




Well, I could go on typing all day, due to my massive hand muscle strength, but I'm tired of sharing the workings of my enormous brain with you peons.
-Dave

While We're Waiting

While we're waiting for our ships and planes to get done and the laser to be assembled, normal blog programming will resume.

So today, I decided I should probably get a job. You know be as incognito as possible while waiting to invade Antarctica.
So I applied to a few jobs. My talents are listed below.


1. Computer Programmer
I have been messing around with computers for years now, and I can make them preform any task by yelling at them(the better ones don't require me to raise my voice). This includes creating game engines with real time ray-tracing, models used in scientific experiments(IE, modeling explosions, collisions, fluid dynamics etc.)

2. Air-force Pilot
While I can't fly planes, I can look really cool in those masks they wear. I think this qualifies me.

3. Counselor
I'll make you feel better about yourself by showing you how you could never compare to me. No one could, so why feel depressed about it.

4. King
Any country wishing me to be their ruler, please send me your resume at my email address listed on my profile.

5. Anything
While I may not have that much experience in a job, I am Dave. Enough said.


-Dave

Attack Plan

Ok. Here is the attack plan. The illustrations are below. Keep in mind though, that this came in a flash of inspiration, so it's a rough draft.


Note: In the illustrations, steps 3 and 4 should be swapped(4 should be step 3, 3 should be 4. Since I got this in a flash of inspiration, I wrote those wrong)


Step 1: Build and Deploy ships and planes.
As Antarctica is an island nation, we must use ships and planes. This will be a mostly hostile surprise attack, so we won't need many people. We just go in and take. We will need supplies to build the ships and planes. With my brain, I have secured these supplies and the ships and planes will be done in roughly a week. They will be deployed shortly there-after.



Step 2: Attack
Ok, as you can see below, we must take out the governmental buildings. As this is Antarctica, this is pretty easy. We then land and go on to the next step.




Step 3: Declare Davetopia as a sovereign nation.
Flag designs will be decided by a contest. The best design will win. The winner will get the satisfaction of knowing his design will be on Davetopia's flag.




Step 4: Melt the Ice(David Massie this is where you come in)
I love cold, but not that cold. I mean, so cold it doesn't snow. I mean, we need some way to melt that ice. Then we can have snow. Yay! So David, I need you to get me the materials I need to build this mirror or laser(whichever is easier). I also need to know the most efficient point to focus the light on. I also need you to convince your colleges that I am the rightful government of Antarctica. This is a big job. I'm counting on you. You have the title of Vice Tyrant.






Click the picture to enlarge in a new window.


P.S. I have gotten no emails to the email address I posted. davethegreat@bellsouth.net I wonder if it's broken.

Delays

Sorry, It's taken longer than expected to get a pardon from Canada and draw up my battle plans. I will have them soon.

Stay With Me
--Dave

I'm Sorry, But Here's My Excuse

Just D rightly accused me of posting too few posts on here. However I do have an excuse.

You see, in my last post, I said that a decisive move against Canada would be taken on the 12th of January. Well, it was. I can't say where I am exactly, but let me just say that the enemies holding cell is not very comfy. THEY HAVE DIAL-UP FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!!

However, I have agreed to be released under the condition that I don't' try to attack again, so I should be out of here in a few days. I will try to post everyday, or at least every other day from now on. I am sorry loyal fans.

Now I have to go plan my attack on Antarctica, so please excuse me while I draw out my battle plans. Tomorrow I'll scan them in and show them to all of ya'll. I know you can't wait.

Stay Sharp Antarciticanese, I'm coming for YOU!
--Dave

I'm Back

Hello,
I've been really sick and then I was very busy, and then I was even more busy, so I apologize for the absence.

Christmas was nice, so was New Years, I won't tell you much about them.

I have been assigned to a top secret mission by a top secret organization that we shall just say has to do with my previous post on Canada. I hope that this will not interfere with my postings.

Anyone in Canada should expect a brief power outage around midnight, January 12th. This will include your cable and DSL lines, although I'm not sure you have such things up there. See you soon(can't say why though). I'll update you on my progress as soon as I can.

P.S. I have put up the links section to my fans blogs/sites. If you would like me to put your link there, comment and tell me.

-Dave

Sicker Than A Dead Dog In An Arizona Blizzard

I've had the flu recently, sorry for the long silence. Apparently, the flu doesn't distinguish between people. It should.

ugh
-Dave

There's Only ONE of Me

Sorry, people, I won't be able to attend all the Christmas Parties I have been invited too(currently 318 and counting). I am actually not attending any Christmas Parties. I am having a quiet Christmas at home.

However, if you would like to send me an e-card or a nice Christmas letter, you can send me one at my email address provided davethegreat@bellsouth.net I shall try to respond to all of you, but I might not get a chance.

Merry Christmas
-Dave

BTW: I am going to create links to my fans blogs. If you would like a link to yours set up, then post a comment and let me know.

Why Do You Read This Blog

I am conducting a survey. Do you read this blog.

A. For my greatness.
B. To soak up my greatness.
C. Because you feel so inferior for me.
D. If you have another reason, state it.

I am looking forward to your responses.

Dave

Canada(Or Should I Say The Only Thing Keeping Us From Having A Whole Continent To Ourselves)

I was looking at a map today, and I was appalled to discover that Canada is not actually the 51st(as well as largest) state in the United States. :-O

In order to conform this, I first went to my massive brain for more information, but was unable to resolve my problem. Therefore, I went to the mystic oracle that is called Google, where I was even more outraged to find that it is the only thing keeping the US from having a whole continent to itself(except for Mexico, but that's in Central America, not North American).

Now, what's up with these people trying to keep the US out of Canada? I mean, not only are they keeping us from North America, but they're also keeping the better half of Niagara Falls for themselves.

Here I will list the things that I have found offensive about Canada.

1. First up, what's up with the stupid flag? I mean, a leaf????? Wow, lets be original guys, come up with the one thing that is in every country in the world, and stick it to some cloth. (I have a theory that their flag was created when the flag creating committee left a white sheet outside in fall.)

2. Canadian Bacon? HAM GUYS!!!

3. British Columbia Can't decide whether they're still under British Control, or if they're in South America.


Anyways, I now officially declare Canada for the United States of America. I'm sure all of you Canadians are cheering with joy.

I'm Coming For You Brethren
-Dave

1/2P.S. http://www.lost.eu/e6e3

P.S. The views in this post are not endorsed by any governing body of the United States Of America. They are solely the result of my great brain.

P.P.S. If you would like to donate money to the cause, IM me at once(my IM is in my profile). Together we can take back North America!(We need a cool moving logo and sound byte to any designers who are out there.)

P.P.P.S. I apologize to any Canadians who remain loyal to the socialist regime in Canada.

P.P.P.P.S Don't stop reading my greatness just cause you're from Canada.